My Why

I finally got to the point where I had to ask myself, “Are you crazy?”

I am supposed to have taken a sick leave of absence from work to undergo treatment for breast cancer.

When that happens, from what my doctor told me, I am supposed to use that time to recuperate from

the surgery, chemotherapy and radiation (I mean, they gave me a whole thick and heavy binder filled

with dos and don’ts to keep me healthy and alive).

What I took from all that was use this opportunity to start a business and grow it as much as you can so

that maybe one day soon you may be able to phase out of your current job. So, when I was not doing

chemo visits or laid out flat and absolutely useless or meeting hospital appointments or being sick, I was

on a mission. Of course, that was alongside being a mum to my 3 kids (14, 12 and 2, yes 2) and a wife,

attending volleyball games, and all the other things that come in between.

When you do that, you gradually get to a stage where you must ask yourself if there is something wrong

with you and if you haven’t finally lost your mind. I mean, who in their right healthy mind does that?

What was so hard about being able to enjoy my family when I can in the middle of all that I was going

through. I worked remotely before I went on sick leave, and I do have a great job. Any normal person

would love to have my job. It is a great full-time job. And for a while it blended well with my family

lifestyle. It was quite a busy lifestyle, but it ticked all the boxes and so everything was great.

Until it wasn’t. And when you get to that stage you start to remember dreams again. You get restless

and you start looking over at the other side the fence to see what it is that makes your neighbor’s grass

greener than yours and why things don’t seem to be going well for you. And then you start to come up

with ideas of how to make your grass just as green.

See, there is nothing wrong with making your grass green. Green grass is healthy, and it looks great. It is

a sign of life and a symbol for something that is thriving. Plus, it is admirable and something to aspire

for. Everyone should want that, right? But want it for the right reasons, because when you attain it, the

right reasons keep it green.

So, I got to that stage of my life and my extended sick leave seemed to me like the perfect opportunity

to change the whole trajectory of my life.

I followed every step diligently and with prayer and trust and faith and almost six months later, I have a

business that I am growing. But like everything we aspire to do that is out of the ordinary, you

eventually get to the stage where you stop to think to yourself, “whatever possessed me in my life to

take this route?” Things start to get hard and the adrenaline that once drove you like it would never end

begins to wear out. The excitement of doing something that you believe will be big one day begins to

mix with the fatigue and the discouragement and the realization of what you got yourself into. Especially

when things don’t move as quickly as you want them to.

I am not in any way forgetting the financial responsibility that comes with every investment into your

business. Neither can I ignore the emotional, psychological and time commitment that comes with it.

For me, they were all valuable investments and to be honest, I don’t believe I would have gotten a

better opportunity to make them.

At this point, you can barely see beyond all the negatives in front of you and you are weighed down by

the visible impossibilities that tell you that you couldn’t possibly have had much common sense when

you signed up for this. You are at the point where you are wondering if the next most sensible thing you

could do was to throw in the towel. Take inventory of your losses, dust yourself up and go back to life

the way it used to be before you started all this madness.

That is when my “WHY” steps in. My “WHY” is my wake-up call. My “WHY” is what gives me a smack on

the cheek and a pull to my feet and kick to my rear end to get moving again and not give up. My “WHY”

is the reason why I cannot afford to give up and why I must see this through to the very end whatever it

may be.

So, I decided to share my “WHY” here. First for me so I can be held accountable. Second, for every

woman out there who finds herself questioning herself and in the same boat that I find myself. Third, for

everyone out there who needs the next damn good reason why they can take the next leap of faith.

I will write in parts and pieces. I will be sharing my guts here and I am going to be more vulnerable than I

have ever been in my entire 46 years. But I am so tired of being so afraid of what anybody will think of

me. Most importantly, I sincerely hope that it helps someone, even if it is just one person.

I welcome your comments and feel free to share your struggles. You will get no judgement from me.

Until next time, keep soaring!